tirsdag den 26. november 2013

Ep.10: ”Come Fly with Me” pt II

Jan. 22nd:

John’s diary:

“Jan 22nd

Tomorrow we’re going to try and go for the helicopter that I found the other day, and I’m pretty sure we’re going to run into trouble on the way, knowing our luck, and also because I saw some of the raptors skulking around the halls on my way back. I have a plan for if this happens, though;

On my scouting trip I found out that we have a room full of explosives (only the lord knows why we would have that here on a render farm, but so many things are absolutely wacky that I’m not really surprised), and I have an ominous feeling that a big explosion is the only way out of this one. If all fails, I’ll lead the dinosaurs there and blow up everything.

I have contemplated throwing them Elijah if need be, but I don’t have it in me when it comes down to it, I think.

We might make it, though. Let’s hope so”

Ep.10: ”Come Fly with Me” (season finale)

Ep.10: ”Come Fly with Me” (season finale)

Lasse’s diary Jan. 23rd:

“Hi there and hello, diary!

We have been stuck a long time in the render farm, but we haven’t been short of food with all the meat John finds all the time, which is really cool.

Elijah Wood joined us the other day, and at first John was really angry with him and even hit him in the face, when he first approached us while we were eating dinner. I have to admit that just seeing this almost made me feel as good as it would have hitting him myself, ‘cause he has just been so annoying and snobbish all the time here! I don’t know why John was so upset, though, but they somehow get along now, so no worries. And there’s meat enough for everyone.

John went out scouting for the government’s Raptor Extermination Squad or other things we might find useful and only returned last night. He didn’t see the RES, but reported having found a helicopter that we can fly away in!

I knew getting that helicopter pilot training would be useful some day! Yay

We decided to wait until today before leaving, so this morning we went on our way to the helicopter, through the whole render farm and though some of the jungle in which the small helipad was hidden.

On the way there we ran into the raptors.

I was very thrilled to see them again and they have grown quite a lot as it turns out, the critters! They didn’t seem to remember me or our way of communicating, though, and they approached us in a kind of hungry manner, that I was not all happy about. John wasn’t either, but I think that we both expected Elijah Wood to approach them, now he has been complaining all the time that he hasn’t seen a raptor yet, but he just turned and ran away!

I really tried talking to the raptors, but they wouldn’t listen at all.

We were standing in the big hall, and John seemed to get a good idea then. He told me not to worry about him and to go and fly Elijah Wood and myself home safely and that he’d return later. Then he ran away with the raptors after him. I trust John and his survival skills, so I went to the helipad and flew home with Elijah, who didn’t seem happy at all.

There was quite a lot of media when we landed after I had announced it to the airport over the helicopter radio.

After getting home safely, I still worry about John, though… He’s probably fine and I’ll see him soon

Lasse out.”

mandag den 18. november 2013

Ep. 9: ”Sh*t goes Down!” pt. II

”The Raptor Diaries” ep. 9: ”Sh*t goes Down!”

Lasse Rützou Bruntse’s diary, Jan. 20th:

“Hey there, Diary…

Today has been both at really good and a really sad day at the same time.

I had been standing still for almost 12 hrs and it was beginning to hurt my legs a bit. The T-rex was still there, looking really hungry and angry, and I didn’t really know what to do.

But then I suddenly heard a lot of gunshots and John Muller screaming angrily, and the T-rex fell down! Yay, I could move again!

I quickly crawled down from the tower and there was John, without his shirt for some weird reason, huffing and puffing and looking very angry, and the T-rex was lying on the ground and saying sad noises. It looked like it was really sorry for what it had done. But then John gave me his rifle and told me that I should be the one to put the T-rex to sleep because that would be the right thing.

I am actually also a pretty good shot, so I knew that I had to do it even though I really didn’t want to, ‘cause it was so sweet and sad, lying there. I looked into its big, mild eyes and pulled the trigger. I don’t think I have ever done something so hard before.

I wanted to bury it afterwards, but John said it was too big.

I won’t let John shoot the raptors, definitely not, so I have to be quick if we see them.
But I guess we’re fine now, so that’s good. And John managed to find some ENORMOUS stakes somewhere that we could eat for dinner and that was nice

Lasse out.”

Ep. 9: ”Sh*t goes Down!”

”The Raptor Diaries” ep. 9: ”Sh*t goes Down!”

John Muller’s diary Jan. 20th:

“Jan. 20th
I finally managed to give the raptor extermination squad the slip yesterday, and once I got away it was piece of cake to find the render farm, as you would only expect, I guess.
I looked through the whole place, but only found Elijah Wood wandering grumpily around; no sign of Lasse Rützou Bruntse. Elijah told me that he had been at the place about a day and that he hadn’t seen any raptors, which, in his weird mind, was a bad thing because he really wanted to “study” them. I personally think it’s a miracle he’s still alive, really.
He also told me that he had noticed the T-rex outside the facility when he first got there, but it seemed to be occupied by my “talkative friend” in a watch tower, just waiting for him to move so it could see him and grab him. According to the idiot, the T-rexes as a race are extremely patient animals, and probably it would still be there if it hadn’t already eaten Lasse because he had to move!
Needless to say I rushed out to help Lasse immediately upon hearing this, though knowing that my rifle might not be strong enough to get kill the animal.
Sure enough the T-rex was there and I could just glimpse Lasse standing very still by a window, while I was sneaking over there.
I would like to say that I was cold as a cucumber and planned out my actions, but I got so angry at this point that I just started shooting wildly, aiming at the monster’s feet. I think that it was because I shot several times at the same place (somehow), but the animal actually fell over with a giant crash! I guess I must have gone through the skin after all.
When I calmed down and ran to the foot of the tower, I met Lasse who was ecstatic that I had finally saved him. At this point he ran over to the T-rex that was still moving on the ground.
I gave him my rifle and told him to finish it, so he would feel that it was an ok thing to do.
We’re in the render farm now, resting. I wonder what the extermination squad is doing. Something stupid, probably.”

– sammen med John Muller.

torsdag den 14. november 2013

Ep 8: "But I thought..."

"The Raptor Diaries" Ep 8: "But I thought..."

Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary Jan. 19th:

Hello hello hello, diary!

I have found the render farm! Woohoo!
It would be better if John Muller had found it aswell, though, but I have been though just about the whole place today and he's nowhere to be found. I know we have been lost some days in the jungle and all, but I guess I always expected John to have a good sense of direction, so when I finally found the place this afternoon, I was all happy because I expected him to be here and everything to be back to normal. Us and the raptors together again.

But there weren't any of the little critters here either Not even Elijah Wood.
It gets worse, though; I have no idea how or why, but the T-rex is out again!

I have been looking around for people today, and the last place I went was a secluded surveillance tower, which was unfortunate 'cause this was where the T-rex found me, and I haven't been able to communicate with it this time- I think it might be hungry. So so far I have been trying not to move and just wait until it goes away, 'cause I can't really escape and if the dino sees me, it can easily break through the glass of the windows and eat me.


I really hope something can distract it soon (writing while trying not to move, is very awkward, too), otherwise I'm a goner for sure!

Lasse out- maybe for the last time!"

tirsdag den 12. november 2013

Ep. 7: "Could We be more lost?!" pt. II

"The Raptor Diaries" ep. 7: "Could We be more lost?!" pt. II

John Muller's diary, Jan. 18th:

"Jan. 18th

Lasse Rützou Bruntse and I have been separated yet again- it seems to happen all the time, and I don't know what the deal is with it anymore.

I had to stop in a clearing to take a leak, but then Lasse ran off all of a sudden, shouting that he'd be back with the raptors (which, I'll admit, worried me more than a little bit). I ran after him as fast as I could, but he was gone in the undergrowth of the jungle, and I had to give up and try to backtrack.

This is when I ran into the government's raptor extermination squad (yes. Yes, they have such a thing).
Apparantly they had taken my report seriously after not hearing back from Elijah Wood, who is a famous actor after all. I wonder where he is, anyway.

I tried to explain to them that I had to get back to Lasse, but they didn't believe me, and one of them gave me a shot in the neck with some kind of drug, so the last couple of hours I have been walking with them in a weird haze, thus not knowing where Lasse is at all. Just my luck.

We are camped in the jungle and looking for the render farm as well as Lasse and I were before, and I can only hope that Lasse has decided to try to find it on his own, as I have no idea at all how to get back to the clearing where I last saw him.

But i guess if we get the raptors under control, everything will be allright and we have serious gunpower now."

Ep. 7: "Could We be more lost?!" pt. I

"The Raptor Diaries" ep. 7: "Could We be more lost?!" pt. I

Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary, Jan. 18th:

"Yo, diary!

After yesterday John Muller and I still haven't found our way back to the render farm.

Well if it were just so well, but after the T-rex situation we were going together in a direction (not necessarily the right one as it turns out), but then John had to pee and I saw the tail of a raptor, I thought, so I ran after it, shouting to John that I'd be right back.

It turned out to be a completely different dinosaur, an oviraptor (I had completely forgotten that we have had those too), so I went back to the place where John would be waiting, but he had left

I knew that he would probably come back to the same place to look for me, so I have stayed here most of the day, but he hasn't been back yet

I wonder if he has gotten lost trying to find the place again? Hmm...

Oh, wait, what's that?! I think I just saw a raptor tail over there behind a bush!
I'll just go and check it out; the raptors will be able to take me back to the render farm for sure!
Yays, sounds like them, too, at least a couple of them! Hooray!

Lasse out- in a hurry"

mandag den 11. november 2013

Ep 6 "Taming the Beast!"

"The Raptor Diaries" ep 6. "Taming the Beast!"

John Muller's diary, Jan. 17th:

" We have been lost in the jungle for days now without seeing neither Elijah Wood nor the render farm. Fortunately we haven't run into anything more dangerous than maybe 5 or 6 species of smaller herbivore dinosaurs, that Lasse admits to have let out a long time ago because they weren't really dangerous and "not really fun either." I can only imagine what this has done to the local ecosystem, though I guess T-rexes and velociraptors are worse. And I'll admit the small ones are pretty cute.

Today we found out that we had been going in circles, as we passed an overturned car that we had passed already near the crash site of the plane. As we were standing there and discussing how to get back to the renderfarm, taking the new positioning possibilities into account, now that we at least knew we were near the plane, we suddenly heard lage booming noises and felt the earth tremble; the T-rex had found us again! And t was running towards us.
I fired wildly at it with the rifle, but its skin was too thick, and we quickly hid under the car, as there was nowhere else to go. The dinosaur started trying to overturn the car and we rolled frantically around to stay under it, but in the end it got the car pushed away with its snout, Lasse and I completely helpless.

But as the animal was about to eat us, the most amazing and inexplicable thing happened; Lasse somehow connected with it. He looked it directly in the eye and sat up, touching its snout in a very caring way, saying what can best be described as soothing T-rex sounds.
I crawled over behind a tree, both the animal and Lasse totally ignoring me, and I followed from a distance, as he walked along side the monster and let it back into its pen. - I can't believe I'm writing this, but I actually saw it. I still have no idea how he did it, but I'm definitely glad that we didn't get eaten!

When asking him, he doen't really seem to know either.

I guess we only have to worry about the raptors now... "

Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary, same day:

"Hello, Diary!

Today we were attacked by the T-rex and we had to hide under an overturned car. The T-rex was really trying to get to eat us, so it pushed the car away, suddenly, and John and I were goners, I thougt.

I never really connected with the T-rex, not like the raptors, but when I looked into its eyes, I saw that it wasn't anything other than a big raptor, really. I really didn't want us to get eaten, and John was really scared, so I looked it in the eyes, and told it "NO!" in Raptor- I just tried making it sound louder, thinking that'd help.

- And it did! The T-rex wasn't really hungry, it was just scared because it was out of its pen. I don't know why I hadn't thought of this a long time ago, it's so logical.
Anyway, I let it back into the pen, and all was good again.

Now we just have to find the render farm- and Elijah Wood before he does something stupid towards the raptors.

Good times!
Lasse over and out"
 – sammen med Lasse Rützou Bruntse.

Ep. 5 "Lost in the Jungle!" pt. II

"The Raptor Diaries" ep 5 "Lost in the Jungle!" pt. II:

John Muller's diary, Jan. 15th:

"This morning we got down from the plane, and I managed to find an elephant rifle and a hat in it before we climbed down, so Lasse and I should be a little more safe. 

Elijah Wood was the only other survivor on the plane, but somehow the idiot disappeard on us minutes after getting down, and I frankly don't miss him; having met him, I think him coming to help us i a joke.

Lasse seems to have fessed up since the whole thing with the T-rex, and he seems keen enough on killing it if it comes in our way, though I still don't know what he'll do if we come across raptors- he still doen't seem to have understood that they are vicious and hungry animals that will eat him.

We are trying to find our way back to the render farm through the jungle, but I fear we might be lost."

Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary, Jan. 15th:

"Hello there, Diary

John and I are on a survival trip in the jungle now, and that's really cool! We lost Elijah Wood, and John says that's a good thing. I must admit I don't really miss him either, 'cause he was supposed to want to know about raptors, but he didn't listen to a word of what I told him about our little ones. He didn't even want to know their names, and then how is he supposed to contact them? They can be dangereous when you don't know them.

Well, John has an elephant rifle now, and if the T-rex comes back we'll shoot, 'cause it's really dangerous and has eaten a lot of people. Looking back, I regret letting it out, but I guess it won't really be a problem killing it anyway, so no harm done in the long run.
When we get back to the renderfarm, I'm going to try calling all the raptors so we can get them back in their cages and everything will be back to normal.
So far John says we might have to walk a lot still, though, so that's what we'll do. Yeah.

Lasse out"
 – sammen med Lasse Rützou Bruntse ogJohn Muller.

Ep. 5 "Lost in the Jungle!" pt I

"The Raptor Diaries" ep 5: "Lost in the Jungle!"

Elijah Wood's diary, Jan. 15th:

" After deciding to go on field research on a desolated renderfarm to study actual, living raptors for my sequel to "Raptors; Their Psychology And What They Generally Think About" (NY Times bestseller), things have gone decidedly wrong.

The people who were meeting me (John Muller andLasse Rützou Bruntse) came to our "rescue" when the plane had crashed, but in stead of helping us down from the tree we were stuck in, they climbed up and started explaining all kinds of things about the situation and raptors in general, which was absolutely unnecessary, as I knew all of it already.
-well, maybe not the part about how things were going there, but that was all rather unimportant to me anyway, as I was planning to leave immediately after doing my research.

Because they were talking so much all the time, a T-rex came and ate most of the crew, and they had to stay for the night in the plane because we couldn't see whether the dinosaur was there or not. Still no raptors in sight for me to study.

Today we managed to get down from the tree and when the other 2 started walking, I quickly went in a different direction to do my work on my own- and because they are really annoying and avarage. I have found some other dinosaurs that I have tried talking to, but they haven't been predators, so my theories don't fit well enough for me to understand them.

I am now maybe lost"

To be continued...

Ep 4 "T-Rexes on a Plane!"

"The Raptor Diaries" Ep 4 "T-Rexes on a Plane!"

Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary Jan. 13th:

"Hi diary

T-Rex was not a good call on my part, John says.
I let it out yesterday evening and the idea behind it was still pretty good, I'll maintain (whatever John says). I guess it's just that I haven't really payed too much attention to the T-rex before, 'cause I like small and cuddly animals like raptors better. When it got out from the pen it was really really angry and I couldn't get it to calm down at all- not even with flares and dancing- so I had to run away.
This is when I found John, who was going out of the kitchen to meet Frodo, which I found very weird, but apparently Frodo (Elijah Wood) is also a scientist when not acting. John says that he is coming to help us, and I think that's a good idea now the T-rex is out, 'cause it's all over the place.

After meeting up, we went out to find the helicopter that Elijah Wood would come in, John being really quiet all the time- I don't know if he was trying to act cool soldier or something. I don't get why he was trying to be so quiet, anyway, the raptors (probably) won't attack him when he's with me.

Well, we're waiting by the forest to see if Elijah Wood comes by soon.

Lasse out."

John Muller's diary Jan. 14th:

" I finally found Lasse the yesterday when I was going out to meet Elijah Wood who would come by helicopter later.
The thing he told me he had done left me dumbfounded for a bit, I must admit; he had let the T-rex out of it's pen. I would have written an exclamition mark, but i don't get outraged by these things as much as I would have before, a fact that scares me a bit.

In Lasse's logic a bigger dinosaur would make things better by scaring the small ones.
Well, that didn't happen; now things are even worse and I have an ominous feeling that we'll probably come across both raptors and T-rex, ganged up on us, at some point soon, knowing our luck and Lasse's ideas...

We went to the landing spot, but no helicopter came. A plane did, however, but because of the horrible weather, we just saw it crash down in the jungle.
We went to the plane, only to find that the people in it, Elijah wood included, were stranded in the front half of it 12 metres above grund, the other half was gone.
we somehow managed to climb up there (looking back, I really can't see why in the world we would climb up in stead of trying to get the people DOWN, but I can only guess at Lasse-logics.)
We are now all stuck here, as the T-rex had apparently also heard the crashing plane, and soon appeared and started trying to eat us. I think Lasse is beginning to get the seriousness of our predicament.
We have hidden in the front part of the plane and will try to go down tomorrow, when we can see better if the dinosaur is still there.

So far Elijah Wood is extremely annoying and snobbish. Well, at least I tried to get some qualified help."

Ep 3. "Bring in the experts!" pt. II

"The Raptor Diaries" Ep 3. "Bring in the experts!" (continued)

Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary Jan. 12th:

"Hello hello diary!

Ok, things are maybe not going too well.
I'm not sure I like the raptors quite as much as I did when they were in their cages, because they seem so angry now, and they have been really mean. They still come when I call them, but they bite quite a lot, and they have been more than a little unreasonable towards the other staff here, eating them even sometimes.

They respect the bigger dinosaurs, though, so I think that I might have an idea for tonight... I think they're like dogs, so they just need a bigger alpha male to put them in their place, and since they're bigger than me now, I'm kinda considering letting out the T-rex. It might go wrong, but I actually rather think it'll work out fine!

Great, I actually made myself feel a lot better by getting this idea just now! yay!

I've seen John Muller running around a couple of times, but he looks pretty upset, so I've let him have some alone-time to... I don't know, think it over or something.

... I wonder how the T-rex reacts to dancing? Will find out, whoop!

Over and out from Lasse"

Ep 3. "Bring in the experts!"

"The Raptor Diaries" Ep 3. "Bring in the experts!"

John Muller's diary Jan. 12th:

" Jan. 12th

You would think that things are getting better since you couldn't really imagine anything worse than rogue dinosaurs in a secluded renderfarm and you being in the middle of it. You would, however, be wrong; I have still not seen Lasse Rützou Bruntse, but I have been going through the halls of the place, looking for both survivors and means of contacting the outer world, and putting it mildly; there are no survivors, and not really any unmangled bodies either- apart from me so far, and maybe Lasse.

I got past some raptors in the kitchens yesterday and managed to get into the radio room and contact the outside world.
Nobody seemed to believe the severity of our situation, though, apart from Elijah Wood of all people. I managed to contact pentagon, but they redirected me to him- apparently he just wrote a book on raptor psychology...
He has a lot of money, so he's coming here by helicopter as soon as possible.

At this point I really don't think anything can mend the mess (that Lasse has created), but any expert will help.

Hope he finds me in the kitchens before the raptors do!
And where the f*ck is Lasse anyway?"

Below: Elijah Wood showing his popular Raptor Psyche theory at Harvard university. (Output is known by non-scholars as "blob")

To be continued...

Ep 2 "Mayhem in the Render Farm"

"The Raptor Diaries" ep 2 "Mayhem in the Render Farm".

Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary Jan. 7th:

"Dear diary

I was talking to the nice raptors today. They are getting more and more clever, and I'm thinking about letting them out of their cages for a bit, 'cause they seem so sad in there. No harm in that.
Will try that tomorrow. Yep!
Over and out"

John Muller's diary Jan. 11th:

"The fact that I didn't just leave this render farm months ago staggers me, but at least now it's actually impossible.
We have been hiding around the facility for the last couple of days because everything went haywire, when the raptors got out- they were getting way too clever and I blame Lasse for that- what possible purpose could he have in teaching a raptor electric boogie moves? "Opening The Door Knob"- no wonder they got out!

I'm hiding in the kitchen and haven't seen Lasse in a while. Pretty angry here..."

Ep 1 "The Hatching"

John Muller knew that it was going to go terribly wrong, but Lasse Rützou Bruntse was blissfully unaware; "The Raptor Diaries" episode 1 "The Hatching".

Lasse's diary October 15th:

Dear diary

The esperiment is going super well and the eggs are almost ready to hatch! If we get a raptor tomorrow, it's gonna be amazing! Yay!

John's diary, same day:

oct 15th

I have a bad feeling about all of this, and I'm getting second thoughts about Lasse's experiment. I do so fear all kinds of reptiles, so why did I even sign up for this? If he makes me hold a dinosaur tomorrow, I swear to God I'm gonna scream..."