Ep 6 "Taming the Beast!"

"The Raptor Diaries" ep 6. "Taming the Beast!"

John Muller's diary, Jan. 17th:

" We have been lost in the jungle for days now without seeing neither Elijah Wood nor the render farm. Fortunately we haven't run into anything more dangerous than maybe 5 or 6 species of smaller herbivore dinosaurs, that Lasse admits to have let out a long time ago because they weren't really dangerous and "not really fun either." I can only imagine what this has done to the local ecosystem, though I guess T-rexes and velociraptors are worse. And I'll admit the small ones are pretty cute.

Today we found out that we had been going in circles, as we passed an overturned car that we had passed already near the crash site of the plane. As we were standing there and discussing how to get back to the renderfarm, taking the new positioning possibilities into account, now that we at least knew we were near the plane, we suddenly heard lage booming noises and felt the earth tremble; the T-rex had found us again! And t was running towards us.
I fired wildly at it with the rifle, but its skin was too thick, and we quickly hid under the car, as there was nowhere else to go. The dinosaur started trying to overturn the car and we rolled frantically around to stay under it, but in the end it got the car pushed away with its snout, Lasse and I completely helpless.

But as the animal was about to eat us, the most amazing and inexplicable thing happened; Lasse somehow connected with it. He looked it directly in the eye and sat up, touching its snout in a very caring way, saying what can best be described as soothing T-rex sounds.
I crawled over behind a tree, both the animal and Lasse totally ignoring me, and I followed from a distance, as he walked along side the monster and let it back into its pen. - I can't believe I'm writing this, but I actually saw it. I still have no idea how he did it, but I'm definitely glad that we didn't get eaten!

When asking him, he doen't really seem to know either.

I guess we only have to worry about the raptors now... "

Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary, same day:

"Hello, Diary!

Today we were attacked by the T-rex and we had to hide under an overturned car. The T-rex was really trying to get to eat us, so it pushed the car away, suddenly, and John and I were goners, I thougt.

I never really connected with the T-rex, not like the raptors, but when I looked into its eyes, I saw that it wasn't anything other than a big raptor, really. I really didn't want us to get eaten, and John was really scared, so I looked it in the eyes, and told it "NO!" in Raptor- I just tried making it sound louder, thinking that'd help.

- And it did! The T-rex wasn't really hungry, it was just scared because it was out of its pen. I don't know why I hadn't thought of this a long time ago, it's so logical.
Anyway, I let it back into the pen, and all was good again.

Now we just have to find the render farm- and Elijah Wood before he does something stupid towards the raptors.

Good times!
Lasse over and out"

 – sammen med Lasse Rützou Bruntse.

Ep. 5 "Lost in the Jungle!" pt. II

"The Raptor Diaries" ep 5 "Lost in the Jungle!" pt. II:

John Muller's diary, Jan. 15th:

"This morning we got down from the plane, and I managed to find an elephant rifle and a hat in it before we climbed down, so Lasse and I should be a little more safe. 

Elijah Wood was the only other survivor on the plane, but somehow the idiot disappeard on us minutes after getting down, and I frankly don't miss him; having met him, I think him coming to help us i a joke.

Lasse seems to have fessed up since the whole thing with the T-rex, and he seems keen enough on killing it if it comes in our way, though I still don't know what he'll do if we come across raptors- he still doen't seem to have understood that they are vicious and hungry animals that will eat him.

We are trying to find our way back to the render farm through the jungle, but I fear we might be lost."


Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary, Jan. 15th:

"Hello there, Diary

John and I are on a survival trip in the jungle now, and that's really cool! We lost Elijah Wood, and John says that's a good thing. I must admit I don't really miss him either, 'cause he was supposed to want to know about raptors, but he didn't listen to a word of what I told him about our little ones. He didn't even want to know their names, and then how is he supposed to contact them? They can be dangereous when you don't know them.

Well, John has an elephant rifle now, and if the T-rex comes back we'll shoot, 'cause it's really dangerous and has eaten a lot of people. Looking back, I regret letting it out, but I guess it won't really be a problem killing it anyway, so no harm done in the long run.
When we get back to the renderfarm, I'm going to try calling all the raptors so we can get them back in their cages and everything will be back to normal.
So far John says we might have to walk a lot still, though, so that's what we'll do. Yeah.

Lasse out"

 – sammen med Lasse Rützou Bruntse ogJohn Muller.

Ep. 5 "Lost in the Jungle!" pt I

"The Raptor Diaries" ep 5: "Lost in the Jungle!"




Elijah Wood's diary, Jan. 15th:




" After deciding to go on field research on a desolated renderfarm to study actual, living raptors for my sequel to "Raptors; Their Psychology And What They Generally Think About" (NY Times bestseller), things have gone decidedly wrong.

The people who were meeting me (John Muller andLasse Rützou Bruntse) came to our "rescue" when the plane had crashed, but in stead of helping us down from the tree we were stuck in, they climbed up and started explaining all kinds of things about the situation and raptors in general, which was absolutely unnecessary, as I knew all of it already.
-well, maybe not the part about how things were going there, but that was all rather unimportant to me anyway, as I was planning to leave immediately after doing my research.

Because they were talking so much all the time, a T-rex came and ate most of the crew, and they had to stay for the night in the plane because we couldn't see whether the dinosaur was there or not. Still no raptors in sight for me to study.

Today we managed to get down from the tree and when the other 2 started walking, I quickly went in a different direction to do my work on my own- and because they are really annoying and avarage. I have found some other dinosaurs that I have tried talking to, but they haven't been predators, so my theories don't fit well enough for me to understand them.

I am now maybe lost"

To be continued...

Ep 4 "T-Rexes on a Plane!"

"The Raptor Diaries" Ep 4 "T-Rexes on a Plane!"







Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary Jan. 13th:


"Hi diary

T-Rex was not a good call on my part, John says.
I let it out yesterday evening and the idea behind it was still pretty good, I'll maintain (whatever John says). I guess it's just that I haven't really payed too much attention to the T-rex before, 'cause I like small and cuddly animals like raptors better. When it got out from the pen it was really really angry and I couldn't get it to calm down at all- not even with flares and dancing- so I had to run away.
This is when I found John, who was going out of the kitchen to meet Frodo, which I found very weird, but apparently Frodo (Elijah Wood) is also a scientist when not acting. John says that he is coming to help us, and I think that's a good idea now the T-rex is out, 'cause it's all over the place.

After meeting up, we went out to find the helicopter that Elijah Wood would come in, John being really quiet all the time- I don't know if he was trying to act cool soldier or something. I don't get why he was trying to be so quiet, anyway, the raptors (probably) won't attack him when he's with me.

Well, we're waiting by the forest to see if Elijah Wood comes by soon.

Lasse out."


John Muller's diary Jan. 14th:

" I finally found Lasse the yesterday when I was going out to meet Elijah Wood who would come by helicopter later.
The thing he told me he had done left me dumbfounded for a bit, I must admit; he had let the T-rex out of it's pen. I would have written an exclamition mark, but i don't get outraged by these things as much as I would have before, a fact that scares me a bit.

In Lasse's logic a bigger dinosaur would make things better by scaring the small ones.
Well, that didn't happen; now things are even worse and I have an ominous feeling that we'll probably come across both raptors and T-rex, ganged up on us, at some point soon, knowing our luck and Lasse's ideas...

We went to the landing spot, but no helicopter came. A plane did, however, but because of the horrible weather, we just saw it crash down in the jungle.
We went to the plane, only to find that the people in it, Elijah wood included, were stranded in the front half of it 12 metres above grund, the other half was gone.
we somehow managed to climb up there (looking back, I really can't see why in the world we would climb up in stead of trying to get the people DOWN, but I can only guess at Lasse-logics.)
We are now all stuck here, as the T-rex had apparently also heard the crashing plane, and soon appeared and started trying to eat us. I think Lasse is beginning to get the seriousness of our predicament.
We have hidden in the front part of the plane and will try to go down tomorrow, when we can see better if the dinosaur is still there.

So far Elijah Wood is extremely annoying and snobbish. Well, at least I tried to get some qualified help."

Ep 3. "Bring in the experts!" pt. II

"The Raptor Diaries" Ep 3. "Bring in the experts!" (continued)




Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary Jan. 12th:




"Hello hello diary!

Ok, things are maybe not going too well.
I'm not sure I like the raptors quite as much as I did when they were in their cages, because they seem so angry now, and they have been really mean. They still come when I call them, but they bite quite a lot, and they have been more than a little unreasonable towards the other staff here, eating them even sometimes.

They respect the bigger dinosaurs, though, so I think that I might have an idea for tonight... I think they're like dogs, so they just need a bigger alpha male to put them in their place, and since they're bigger than me now, I'm kinda considering letting out the T-rex. It might go wrong, but I actually rather think it'll work out fine!

Great, I actually made myself feel a lot better by getting this idea just now! yay!

I've seen John Muller running around a couple of times, but he looks pretty upset, so I've let him have some alone-time to... I don't know, think it over or something.

... I wonder how the T-rex reacts to dancing? Will find out, whoop!

Over and out from Lasse"

Ep 3. "Bring in the experts!"

"The Raptor Diaries" Ep 3. "Bring in the experts!"




John Muller's diary Jan. 12th:




" Jan. 12th

You would think that things are getting better since you couldn't really imagine anything worse than rogue dinosaurs in a secluded renderfarm and you being in the middle of it. You would, however, be wrong; I have still not seen Lasse Rützou Bruntse, but I have been going through the halls of the place, looking for both survivors and means of contacting the outer world, and putting it mildly; there are no survivors, and not really any unmangled bodies either- apart from me so far, and maybe Lasse.

I got past some raptors in the kitchens yesterday and managed to get into the radio room and contact the outside world.
Nobody seemed to believe the severity of our situation, though, apart from Elijah Wood of all people. I managed to contact pentagon, but they redirected me to him- apparently he just wrote a book on raptor psychology...
He has a lot of money, so he's coming here by helicopter as soon as possible.

At this point I really don't think anything can mend the mess (that Lasse has created), but any expert will help.

Hope he finds me in the kitchens before the raptors do!
And where the f*ck is Lasse anyway?"



Below: Elijah Wood showing his popular Raptor Psyche theory at Harvard university. (Output is known by non-scholars as "blob")

To be continued...

Ep 2 "Mayhem in the Render Farm"

"The Raptor Diaries" ep 2 "Mayhem in the Render Farm".




Lasse Rützou Bruntse's diary Jan. 7th:




"Dear diary

I was talking to the nice raptors today. They are getting more and more clever, and I'm thinking about letting them out of their cages for a bit, 'cause they seem so sad in there. No harm in that.
Will try that tomorrow. Yep!
Over and out"


John Muller's diary Jan. 11th:

"The fact that I didn't just leave this render farm months ago staggers me, but at least now it's actually impossible.
We have been hiding around the facility for the last couple of days because everything went haywire, when the raptors got out- they were getting way too clever and I blame Lasse for that- what possible purpose could he have in teaching a raptor electric boogie moves? "Opening The Door Knob"- no wonder they got out!

I'm hiding in the kitchen and haven't seen Lasse in a while. Pretty angry here..."